


a collection of sherlock things i guess

by fedexmaxieboi



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Other, Probably bottom!lock because he’s a thot, enjoy, gay af, im so bored and sad, im so sorry, johns a bamf bi, mystrade, warnings for individual chapters will be in summary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-10-10 08:47:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17422697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fedexmaxieboi/pseuds/fedexmaxieboi
Summary: gay and sherlock/a place to store shite





	1. Chapter 1

What’s he like? The other me. In the other place.  
“Smarter than he looks”  
pretty damn smart then.  
“Pretty damn smart.”  
\Why don’t you two just elope for God’s sake!/  
Impertinent.  
“Offensive.”  
Actually, would you mind?  
“Not at all.”

Then they push moriarty off a cliff.  
THATS ACTUAL LINES FROM TAB  
“” is John, / is Moriarty, nothing is sherly. 

Also in the same episode johns parallel asks Sherlock to solve a case in her husband is involved. Her husband is Mary’s parallel. He receives orange pips (large orange seeds which are a warning/threat of death. While trying to solve the case the husband is killed, and the wife blames Sherlock. In the end, when the case is solved, the wife was the one who shot her husband. Before Sherlock can confront the wife Moriarty tells Sherlock something’s aren’t ever going to make sense and sometimes a mind is just a mind. Basically johns parallel kills Mary’s then Jim tells Sherlock his feelings (about John because they are speaking of the parallel) don’t need to make sense because sometimes things just hurt. Then that scene I spoke of happens. In the previous episode Mary betrays John by shooting Sherlock, but John forgives Mary because that’s what people in love do, right? The episode after has Mary jumping in front of Sherlock so she dies instead of him. By this time she has realized John needs Sherlock, but he only wants her because he thinks that is what’s right. John blames Sherlock, but Mary (johns brain) is there saying “go to him, don’t blame him, it was always meant to be like this” just how in TAB (the episode with parallels) John returns to Sherlock. In TAB it is for the scene where Moriarty tries to throw him off a cliff. In TLD it is when Smith tries to suffocate Sherlock (after S fails to OD)  
Throughout the season John is the heart (impulse), Sherlock is the mind (thinking), and Mary is both (rational). Because she is part of both of them like a piece of her, but because the still is only half they hate her. (Sherlock tries to ignore the mind to see her heart, but the lies (choices she’s thought of and done) he hates. John tries to ignore the heart so he can see her mind, but her love (things she did because her heart said yes/impulse) make him hate her. After her death they both blame the mind for not being better even though S and J should blame the heart. Also M and J marrying is the removal of Sherlocks heart and of johns brain and M dying (her memory as well as her physical being) is the heart/brain being returned which is J and S reuniting.


	2. wow john is totally straight hahahah like what even is a man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> that’s a lie

john is a bastard bitch boy

he is so bi like literally what

also have you seen those recent photos of martin that is an absolute LAD

i’m so gay

okay, now to the actual post. 

the way john looks at sherlock is just so fucking soft like he looks at sherlock as if sherock is the most beautiful, important thing in the world. john may have cared for mary but sherlock is his GODDAMN W O R L D. have you seen those two? honestly it’s not even a johnlock thing anymore, they just... i mean they’re each other’s lifeblood. it’s so painful and so merciful. after a long day they get to go home to one another. until they don’t get to. until it’s just john or just sherlock. or maybe it’s john and mary or sherlock and janine. they need the other to survive. it could be platonic or sexual or romantic or fucking a coworker relationship, but they crave one another. christ, it’s so... Ugfkaksksk they fucking NEED each other. big owie. i want that. blease, mottiss,,,,,,, let them be together


	3. pray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pray by sam smith  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hhREiAarjVY
> 
> suicide, major character death, homophobia, religion, dead parent, mary, reunion

Sherlock sat alone in his room. His hands shook, an empty syringe in his fist. He's already had too much. What was more going to do besides kill him? Nothing. He had nothing to loose and relief to gain. Whether it was final relief or for just for a moment longer. What was one more bad desicion to a boy with nothing? What would letting his heart rule his head do? He was a teenager, a child supposed to be living the best days of his life.

Benigma trapped in his own mind was insanity. Father would drag him to Church and make him cry for a dead mother who's memory made him ache if he didn't stay away. There was no one looking after any of them. Sherlock would live until his frail body couldn't take the cocaine, then he would die at the ripe old age of youth. No one would mourn. Father did not love him, Mycroft did not grieve. The television would blab on about schools in America's being massacred, innocent lives being taken by hatred all across the world, how there were people like Sherlock, but they would die unloved and scared and alone. Why listen when you know what is being said?

He would not finish high school. He was already sixteen and ready to great death as a friend. He was ready for his corpse to be forgotten or maybe used as a punching bag. He was ready to be another sad child added to statistics. He has no future. No degree, no meaning, no hope. Nothing to make his family proud. He would live in pain and die a naive boy. He would be alone just like them

 _I've_ _made_   _it this far on my own_.

Sherlock hasn't felt high even on hard drugs. The pain hasn't stopped. He looks around and he is still in a world of flames. He is still like the kids on the telly getting killed. He is still moments away from filling a syringe to the amount that will end all the hurting. He is still sitting in a world where coke and nicotine and heroin don't stop the tears.

He hurts. He hurts so much that he is numb. He has been hurting for so long that he doesn't know what it is like to be okay. It scares him. His impulses terrify him. His future, the uncontrollable, his mum, what happens after death, terrifies him. He feels the fear in every ounce of himself and it melts into dreadful hurt.

And there is not really anything to say. Nothing to do.

He wishes to a god he doesn't believe in to spare him. To bring him happiness or a future or even just to stop the hurting enough to let him sleep. He prays.

Admiting to his begging would be like a saint admitting to murder after becoming an adulterer, it would not happen. Sherlock is alone. He does not go to church. He would never touch anything linking him to his three a.m. tears for god and god alone.

He would not let anyone know he is on his knees praying. Let them think he is a whore. Let them call him a faggot. At least he could be heard by one man. He did not believe in god, but he believed that sometimes it felt better to pretend than to shoot up. 

Sherlock will always be a sinner. He cries for this divine creature to bring him home. Bring him to heaven then his breath leaves this vessel. But what does a non-believer say to God? What does a faggot say when he isn't victim to a hate crime? What does an unloved child say when they find love?

He doesn't know. He doesn't have a clue. He can't even ask this faux saviour to not bleed him. He just lets tears rush from his burning eyes and pleads.

When Sherlock finally sees him, that's when he goes into a Church and looks into the stained glass which act as the alter's eyes. He prays. He prays that this person who finally looked him in the eyes and smiled won't be the one to find him at the end of the day. He prays to god that this boy, so full of love, will call him brilliant on his final day.

And there's still no god, but there is John Watson. Sherlock knows that if the man who spoke to was real, he would bring John to his gates and give him a home.

Sherlock wants to speak with the man in the sky, beg at his feet for John.

For John to love him. For John to live. For him to stay alive long enough to be held by John. For John to even want to hold him. For his father to let him be free.

In the end, was this the plan? To pray and beg for a love he would never have?

Was it God's plan to keep Sherlock alive for sixteen more years only to let Sherlock walk out of John's wedding, the wedding which was not to him, and finally take the dive into infinite release? 

Was it God's plan to reunite them only a sixteen weeks later at their final home? A home which did not exist, built upon clouds and too real lies and hurt. 

Was it God's plan to make John pray for the bullet to work?

_Everyone prays in the end._


End file.
